It’s Monday, and so it’s blog day. Work has been hectic, which is not a bad thing, but it’s easier to blog when #funemployment is the speed we’re going for. And along with work, there’s been other things to take up my time like the Cubs and retweeting stupid shit stupid people say about the presidential candidates. Because of all of this, there hasn’t been much time to focus on a good topic for this week’s blog.
So instead of coming up with a real topic, I’m going to try to do a little time machine jump back to earlier days when I had more time to blog. It was a carefree — and potentially not sober — time when anything that came to my mind actually then went to my fingertips and onto the keyboard, in turn making a blog that all three of you would enjoy, or at least chuckle at half-heartedly with a grin that said, “What a dumbshit.”
What that means is that I’m going to read through the “Categories” tab here on WordPress and pick out some of the categories that my past stories have been tagged as over the years. This is going back to 2010, and there are quite a few that I do not remember at all, so this could be interesting. Let’s see:
#FuckCancer — This is the first category listed and is an easy one. It’s obviously in reference to one of two things: 
either my sweet baby bean Saydee, who we lost on July 1 after the bestest terrible, terrible little monster lost her epic battle with the fucking Big C, or, it could be a post about one of my boys, Tony, the one we lost, also to the mutherfucking Big C. Either way, that hashtag brings back incredibly powerful, poignant and painful memories, along with some of the brightest smiles my eyes have ever glanced upon.
50 People in a Condom — So, yeah. This is a category for one of my blog posts. Not sure which one, but, well, let’s just say it was probably interesting and safe. Safe is always good. Otherwise, I got nothing.
Bon Jovi — Seriously? There really was a category tag on a story I wrote that was about 1980s hair pop metal? I mean I could believe it if there was a Guns ‘N Roses, or Motley Crue, or even Metallica. All of those came around during important — and vivid — points of my adolescence, but Bon Jovi?
Eastern Time Sucks — This is true, and I guarantee I wrote this. Having lived in seven states, including three on the East Coast/in the South, I’ve been exposed to multiple time zones and the only one that’s any good is God’s Time, which is more commonly referred to as Central Time. There is no time zone better. Period. All college football games should kick off at 11 a.m. on Saturdays, and every Cubs game should be played during the week at 1:15 p.m. based on the Central Time. It would solve many of the world’s problems, if not all of them. Just saying.
Fuckin’ 40 — Without question, despite several beers that night, I completely remember this blog. It was about the night I turned 40 and how we went to a Kid Rock concert that night and he played the song “I”m fuckin’ 40” and it was spectacular. Just like a good wine, the Kid knows I get better with age. Not sure what we’ll do for 50 but I’m sure I’ll think of something.**
I AM THE CHAMPION — Anyone who knows me, knows I’ve been a part of a fantasy football league since 1990. That’s a long time. Another thing anyone who knows me, knows I can be obnoxiously obnoxious when I choose to, like to the point where I think there’s been a handful of times that most of my mothers would have wanted to punch me square in the face. The year I won the fantasy championship, yeah, that’d be one of the times almost everyone I know back home wanted to punch me in the face. God, it was glorious.
Midgets, Pickles in a Bag, and Sherpas — Got nothing, but there’s gotta be a joke in there somewhere. “Three midgets and a Sherpa walk into a bar, the Sherpa has a bag of pickles under his arm. The first midget says …”
Skim Fucking Milk — This was one of my all-time favorite interactions with Sugar-Mama. In no way am I ridiculing 
Sugar-Mama for her lack of knowledge of my upbringing, but it should have been obvious all along that when things are color-coded, use the proper terminology. This discussion didn’t last long, but it escalated quickly. Seriously though, just say blue. It’s better for everyone involved.
Strip Clubs, followed immediately by Symposium — Yeah, like that crew and those places has ever not been linked together. It’s like peanut butter and chocolate.
Things I’ve Done That You’ll Never Dream Of Doing — Sometimes, at least on occasion, I tend to be a little, um, hmm, what’s the words? Ahh, maybe, a cocky shit? Yeah, that’s probably pretty close. My guess is that this category was one of those posts where I boasted about the fun I had with my buddies, like the time we did the Warrior Dash in Wisconsin in 2011 and I kicked everyone’s ass (NOTE: the header picture on this blog made it worth it, and probably lived up the category header). Or maybe I just babbled at the mouth about something that I got to go along with for my job and yet made it sound cool. If that was the case, I bet it wasn’t and I’m sorry for putting you through it if you read that blog.***
Unemployed But Living Life — Man, that sounds way, way too familiar the past few years. I had two jobs over the span of 15 years when I went from East Carolina to Nebraska. In the past 6 years, I’ve had five jobs and two periods of being a fully kept man. Being employed is definitely the better of the two, although I know Adam will disagree with me.
Worst Movie Scenes — I can’t remember all the scenes, but I know I had fun looking this one up. It was pretty ridiculous, some of the movies and scenes I came up with. Kind of like some of the topics I blog about in general.
** Wow, that’s a really disturbing and sad sentence considering I have less than 5 years to figure out what that something would be. This getting old shit sucks.
*** Actually, I’m not sorry. I just figured you wouldn’t read all the way down here and then look back up up to where the asterisks belong.
Six-7 Offsuit 