I’ve had a few signs today pointing to the fact that I should do some sort of list here tonight.
First, on Facebook, I had a note about listing the 15 or 20 albums from my past that still resonate with me today. And there was one about the 15 most memorable books I’ve read.
Then I just went on Twitter. I cheat on FB like a mofo because Twitter is such a hot little thing. Quick and easy, no strings. Twitter’s the shit.
So anyway, on Twitter I just read these tweets from Bill Simmons of ESPN.com, and I couldn’t agree with him more.
Edge’s top 6: Queen of Diamonds, Club Lexx, Cocos, Magic City, Strokers, Harlem Nights. You can’t make this stuff up.
sportsguy33
Edge on Club Lexx: “We go and shoot pool. I’m beyond the girls, its more of a hangout.”
Edge on Magic City: “The South has the best girls in the clubs… The girls take everything off.” Wait, I thought you were beyond the girls?
That’s pretty good. Definitely enough reason to do a top-10 list of some sort tonight.
But wait. There’s more.
I was finishing dinner (our favorite, grilled pizza) and watching TV before the start of college football and I saw a commercial that had slipped past me. It was KISS doing a Dr Pepper commercial. And better yet, it was a KISS commercial with mini-me’s.
Yup, that was a KISS commercial with little people in makeup. Little Spaceman. Mini-Catman. Small Starchild. Dwarf Demon. How does a night get any better?
Seriously, that made me think. Who are my favorite midgets? I don’t know if I can come up with 10, but let’s just see what we have:
1) Hands down, it’s gotta be the Umpa-Lumpas. Those little dudes are pretty badass. Great workers, quiet, efficient and will do your bidding as you want, no questions asked. They’re not just servants, they’re family.
2) Joe C. That small shit could belt out some lyrics. I wish I would have seen him and Kid Rock before the little fucker–literally–died back in 2000. I think Rock’s tour in 2001 with the Twisted Brown Trucker Band would have been worth seeing just for the tributes they played.
3) Mini-Me. Guy made a living–and a pretty profitable one at that–on being tiny. He didn’t really act, at least not that much and not that well. But hey, when you get parts specifically written for you since you’re one of only a small handful (get it. Ha.) of people who can play it, well, take the money and run son.
4) The flying monkeys on Wizard of Oz. Those little annoying bastards were pretty awful, but, hey, they stick out in my memory and that’s what this is all about.
5) I definitely could put Chucky on here even though he’s not real, but if I’m going to put a non-human on the list, it’s going to be orangutan from the 1978 classic ‘Every Which Way But Loose’ after he starred opposite Clint Eastwood. That orange beast was fuckin’ hilarious. I kinda wish I had one around the house to get me a beer, especially right now since the NFL season starts in two minutes.
And since I got to five and like I said, football is starting, well, I’m going to run. Feel free to let me know if there’s any other midgets you think maybe should be on this list.
Oh, and don’t try that PC bullshit and tell me not to call them midgets. Find another blog if you’re going to be all that touchy feely.
And enjoy the game tonight. I’ve got the Saints by 13.
Six-7 Offsuit 