Couple things as we start:

  • I’m writing/publishing this from my phone, so no bitching about typos.
  • If you didn’t read my 2013 in review blog, you should now

Ok, now we can get to the real reason we are here: my body. Bet that wasn’t on your mind when you clicked on the link, was it?

Even worse, now you can’t stop thinking about my body. But it’s ok because it’s for a good cause. Let me tell you why:

Over the past four months I’ve started to pack on the pounds. Not sure why although a couple culprits stand out as possible reasons — I’ve been a bit stressed at times and I’ve been on my own to eat with Sugar Mama on the road for work. Both are my problems and I should have done more to watch out for this. Instead, I’ve gained 20 pounds and am now completely uncomfortable in my own skin.

In 2006, we did Weight Watchers and in the end I went from 242 pounds down to 177. The top end may not sound terrible, and I know I am not anywhere near the most obese person around, but I felt terrible. It’s deflating feeling so physically unflattering, whether anyone else notices it or not. Sure the fat guy selfie jokes are great and I always played the part. It’s fun, it’s easy when someone doesn’t mind being the target. But in the end, it felt way better to be thinner.

I don’t want to be 177 again. Honestly I’d like to be 195-200. That’s a really comfortable weight for me and is now my goal. When I got home from traveling last week over break, I got on the scale at 224.0. I haven’t been this heavy since late 2006 or early 2007. And I don’t likey. Thus my blog that makes you think about my body.

The past few months have pretty much been like a Mike Myers character — just put “food in my bell-lay”. Now, I’m going to try to kick that habit, start working out again and get down to my goal.

As a starting point, me and my hetero life partner, er, best friend were going to do a #30dayspartanchallenge where we run at least a mile a day for 30 days. I started Monday and now am on Day 3.

But it sucked because I only did 1.25 miles. A little over a year ago I did a half marathon (slowly, but I did it) and could knock out a 4- or 5-mile run at the drop of a dime. Now I struggle on a lower speed even doing barely a quarter of that.

Yet I’m doing it and each day I’m posting in my buddy’s Facebook page that I got on that treadmill. When I was running Monday I thought about if that’d be enough to keep me going, enough motivation to get my body back in the long run. I’m not sure it is. And on top of that, 30 days is not enough to get where I want to be.

Then I had an idea where you could help me. Basically I’m going to crowd source my training to reach my goal.

Here’s how it will work and how you can help me:

If you are reading this still, you obviously don’t mind hearing about my life, so I’ll include you once in this process. That’s it — one time. All you have to do is like my Facebook post or favorite the tweet this link was on. I’ll take everyone who likes or favorites this and make a list. Hopefully there will be more than 30 so this works better than the original challenge.

Everyone on the list will get a day. I will message or tweet you the day before it’s your turn. Then on your day, all you have to do is look at your timeline and verify to the world with a tweet to me or a post to my timeline that I told you my miles for that day. I will always do at least one (1) mile each day for every like or favorite. If it’s 45 likes/favorites, then it will be 45 consecutive days of the workout, sometimes at 1 mile and hopefully later on back up to 4-5 miles again. Same if it’s 67, 89 or 133. Each like/favorite will be one day/workout.

Luckily I don’t have that many friends. Ha.

So, what’s in it for you if you agree to help me? Other than not having to think about my body again, you get the chance to make me be your Internet bitch.

Whoa. There’s a twist you didn’t expect I bet.

Yes, you have the chance that I might have to do whatever you say. Think about that for a second and then tell me you don’t want to help me.

Basically what I will do is let you dictate one thing I have to do IF — and this is only if — I don’t do my run on your day and post it. I must post a pic of the treadmill final stats from that day to your timeline between 12:00 a.m. and 11:59 p.m. If I do, I’m clear and you just get to feel good about helping me by posting a congrats or whatever to my timeline.

If I do not post it — obviously I’m on honor here but I’m a douche if I cheat myself here, so I will only post when I actually do it — then you get to decide my penance. It’ll be public and hopefully not too ugly. Some suggestions might be to do 35 push ups and 35 sit-ups, or run 10 wind sprints. Or you could tell me to not swear for a day (that’d be a terrible fucking idea, but you could) or you could tell me to do 20 hours of community service in the next year. It’s up to you. How creative can you be?

I’ll agree to do anything legal and reasonable (and if you know me, my limits of reasonable are probably farther toward the boundaries than most), but I will not do anything to get me or someone else in trouble on FB or Twitter, anything too illegal, or involving spinach. I do have my standards.

So if I don’t post to you during the 24 hours I’m supposed to, you can tell the world my deserved penalty and I’ll post a photo back to your page in a reasonable timeframe.

Obviously the idea that you get to dictate my punishment will drive me to stay on track — or at least that’s the reason for this anyway — and I hope that I will not miss many, if any, days, but I think this social experiment, if you will, will give me a bigger reason to think twice about eating a burger and fries, or skipping a workout, especially when Sugar Mama isn’t around.

What do you say? Will you play a social part and make my fitness plan a success (or at least play a part in kicking my ass if it goes off the rails)?

Like or favorite to show you’re in with me and want my old body back as much as I do.