I do not understand society. I don’t know if it’s just me or if everyone else is fucked. But I do know that whoever reads this shit is in need of a life. Soon.

Well, let me rephrase that.

If someone reads this on a regular basis–which I’m guessing 20-something moms and teenage girls potentially do–then I have no ability to fathom the life they live. Now, if someone is reading it once a year for the fun (read: stupidity) value in it, then so be it. I can live with that. But I just don’t understand how people get hooked on reading that stuff.

And in case anyone was wondering how I came across it, well, how else do I communicate with the outside world right now while I’m a “freelancer”? Twitter obviously. Duh.

Why don’t more people read good, knowledge-driven things like Maxim or National Football Post? These are straightforward, interesting news services that provide information everyone wants (read: men want… badly).

They provide original content, some of it basic need-oriented (like best places to do shots after a day of skiing or next week’s best FA pickup for a 4th-string WR to complement a yardage-only league). Other things like features–such as “Bras: Not Everyone Needs One” and “Where is he now?: Tshimanga Biakabutuka“–are the types of things you might read in GQ, Forbes or even the Wall Street Journal.

And of course, they have the quick hitters. Those are always the best things to read in these magazines, just short little capsules of information. If you read Playboy, you’ll know that Heff’s staff actually has the best magazine page in the world. It’s the Raw Data page and has about 10 to 12 factoids each month.

A sample from the May 2010 issue:

  • In the past year, curious Massachusetts police officers did background checks on Tom Brady 968 times.
  • $1 million — price paid for the first comic book featuring Superman.
  • A recent Pew Research Center survey found that 38 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds have at least one tattoo.
  • Most alcoholic beverages contain the 13 minerals necessary for human life.
  • Seven percent of Ireland’s entire barley crop goes toward the production of Guinness beer.

See? That’s some serious information that can be used in nearly every setting.

At a cocktail dinner and don’t know anyone? Look up the geekiest guy there and chat him up on your knowledge of the Superman comic. Stuck in Manhattan, Kan., on a Thursday night and no way to leave? Head to an Aggieville bar and get to know someone with a tattoo, there’s bound to be at few. And who wouldn’t want to talk about the human necessities for life? I don’t know the other eight minerals needed to be sustained (obviously there’s barley, hops, sausage, oreos and chalupas), but it’s definitely an interesting conversation starter.

Anyway, at least some websites and magazines can come up with an interesting story that’s not all sensationalized and just following people around during their private lives. Although, the tweet about Tiger’s ex-hottie potentially posing for Playboy did get me to click on the link. Hmm, maybe they have something there.