So, one big plus of being a “freelancer” and “working” at home is that I get to do things on my own timetable. This includes showering (when applicable), getting dressed (as needed) and eating.

That last one is a bit tricky considering I really don’t want to fat up again. I know I dont’ want my man tits going all Mickelson again but damn, it’s hard not just stuffing your face when you’re home all day. For those of you with lives, er, I mean jobs, just think about when you’re at home on the weekend or your off days, whenever they are. Don’t you tend to eat and drink more?

I mean, over the years in June when I didn’t have shit going on and no team to take care, I’d normally not do anything on the weekends except for eat and drink. Now sometimes it was just drink, but it wasn’t that often that I accidentally drank a 12-pack before 3 p.m. (No seriously, the book I was reading was really good and I just didn’t realize. It was nice out, I was getting a little tan, the wind was just blowing a bit and I thought I had maybe three Buds. It’s not like the time I painted the spare bed room when sugar mama was out of town and I had to go out to buy more beer before I started because I only  had a 12-pack when I cracked open the can of paint).

Anywho, it’s tough to decide when you’re going to eat when you work at home. I’m sure moms who stay at home know, except that they seem to rarely eat because they’re chasing the kids all day. I still haven’t figured out which makes them more bitchy, the not eating or the chasing.

But I digress. My point today is that I ate around 12:45 p.m. Eastern, which is probably about 3:19 a.m. Central, or thereabouts. And I was fairly hungry since my system hasn’t adjusted yet and it seemed to think it was the middle of the night. So I went to make a sandwich and grab some chips. Easy enough. Got out the mayo, some bread, added a little Colby Jack cheese and today I grabbed a new pack of chicken breast that was already chunked up and packaged for me. And packaged it was.

On the top I kept reading, “Peel here. Easy to open tab.” Yeah, my fucking ass.

It took me like six tries and I switched hands twice and finally had to get out a knife and just cut the damn thing open. Easy to open. Bullshit. I hope I never get a “freelance” editing job for Oscar Mayer or that chicken company in Arkansas. I don’t know if I could keep from writing on the proof, “Easy to open if you are Edward Fucking Scissorhands.”

So it got me to thinking–what is actually easier than it looks? Cause I can tell you opening that damn package wasn’t. But here’s the top five results for today’s Internet search of Google for the phrase “easier than it looks”….

Marmalade is way easier than it looks – Evil Mad Scientist

  • I don’t know why, but they’re right. I would have thought marmalade was way more difficult to make than this. Who knew?

E.J. Dionne, Jr.: Health Care Reform: Easier Than It Looks – Truthdig

  • This just looks like trouble. We don’t talk politics here and I’m sure you Offsuiters don’t have any interest in hearing what I actually would vote for if I actually did vote. Growing up relatively poor and having used many of the government services that get paid for by big government programs, I think I’d be in the minority on these thoughts most of the time back in good ‘ole Nebraska.

Easier Than It Looks

  • Now this one I can relate to. I won’t at all try to sell you on the fact that I’ve heard of them or listened to them back in the day because I doubt I did. But as a band called Average White Band, for some reason I think I can relate. And this, “Easier Than It Looks,” is the debut solo CD by AWB saxophonist, Freddy V.

Yahoo! Canada Answers – Is getting a date easier than it looks?

  • Ricola. I don’t know, but every time I say Yahoo! I also want to say Ricola. And I want to wear those long curly toed wooden shoes and a pointy hat. Whatev. But I did learn something from this link. 1) Yahoo! actually has a section for answers for Canadians, and 2) we’re probably going to have a lot more action here making fun of Canadians now that I know this (if you’re reading this, then sorry, TW. You’re good enough to be American anyway).

Being Rachel | …it’s easier than it looks

  • I didn’t read this one. And I’m going to guess that Rachel would be pleased to know that I didn’t because I’d put money on the fact that I’d rip this one to shreds.